Some people are great at thinking things through- analyzing, planning, staying “reasonable” - and still feel blank inside. Not because they’re cold or “bad at feelings,” but because emotional awareness is a skill many of us were never taught.

​

In school and work, we train logic and performance. We rarely learn how to notice inner states, separate stress from sadness, or find words for what’s happening inside. And even when we understand things cognitively, that doesn’t automatically change how our body reacts - especially under stress.

​

Research on affect labeling suggests that simply putting feelings into words can support regulation (it’s not “just talking”).

 

​

The clinical term: Alexithymia

 

In research, the term alexithymia describes a tendency to:

• have difficulty identifying emotions,

• difficulty describing emotions,

• and often focus on facts/solutions rather than inner experience.

​

This is not about intelligence. It’s about access, vocabulary, and how your nervous system learned to operate. Many people can expand this capacity - gently, in small steps.

​​

​

What it can look like day to day

 

You might relate to things like:

• “I know something is wrong, but I can’t tell what I feel.”

• “I only realize I’m upset after I’ve snapped or shut down.”

• “I can explain everything logically, but I don’t feel it.”

• “Conflict turns into debating - or silence.”

• “My body reacts (tension, fatigue), but emotions stay unclear.”

 

A growing body of work links alexithymia with interoception (how we notice internal body signals).

​​

​

Why this can happen

 

There’s rarely one cause. Research typically discusses patterns and associations, such as:

• Emotion socialization: feelings weren’t named or welcomed growing up.

• Protection and habit: shutting feelings down once helped you cope.

• Chronic stress: functioning takes over; feeling comes later (or not at all).

• Individual differences: people vary in sensitivity to internal cues.

 

You don’t need a perfect origin story to make progress. Often the most helpful step is building a clear, workable map of your own signals.

​

​

How I can help

 

This isn’t about making you “more emotional.” It’s about giving you more options - in relationships, conflict, boundaries, and self-understanding.

​

In counseling we can work on:

• building a simple emotion vocabulary that fits you (no therapy jargon)

• using the body as a starting point (tension, pressure, restlessness)

• finding words that are honest and usable

• staying more flexible in conflict (less looping, more clarity)

• improving relationship communication—without forcing vulnerability

​

Helpful check-in tool

When you feel “nothing,” make it smaller and more concrete:

• Sensation: where do you feel something in your body?

• Image: any quick image or memory fragment?

• Behavior: what impulse is there (withdraw, speak, sleep, move)?

• Affect: if you had to guess: tense, sad, irritated, relieved?

• Meaning: what might this need right now?

​

​

What working with me looks like

 

Free initial consultation (20 minutes): Briefly clarify your concerns and whether my approach is a good fit
Sessions: primarily online; in-person sessions in Berlin are possible by arrangement
Duration: 50 minutes
Frequency: weekly or biweekly, depending on your needs
Confidentiality & data protection: fully confidential, in line with professional standards and GDPR-compliant practices

​​

​

Next Step

 

If you would like, we can start small - with a free initial consultation. No pressure, no expectations. Just a space to understand what you need right now.

​

​

Safety Note in Case of Crisis

 

If you are in acute distress, feeling overwhelmed, or experiencing suicidal thoughts, please seek immediate support (for example, through a local crisis service such as the Berlin Crisis Service or a national helpline). In a medical emergency, call 112.

​

​

References​

​

Sifneos, P. E. (1973). The prevalence of ‘alexithymic’characteristics in psychosomatic patients. Psychotherapy and psychosomatics, 22(2-6), 255-262.

 

Hogeveen, J., & Grafman, J. (2021). Alexithymia. Handbook of clinical neurology, 183, 47.​​

​

Friedman, J. C. (2025). Alexithymia: A Review of Existing Literature and a Prospective Route for Future Training.

​

Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., & Way, B. M. (2007). Putting feelings into words. Psychological science, 18(5), 421-428.​​

​

Taylor, G. J., Bagby, R. M., & Parker, J. D. (2003). The 20-Item Toronto Alexithymia Scale: IV. Reliability and factorial validity in different languages and cultures. Journal of psychosomatic research, 55(3), 277-283.

​​

​

​

FAQ​

 

Is it common to struggle with emotions?​

Yes. Many people were never taught emotional language or body-based awareness. If it affects your life or relationships, it’s worth support.

​

Does “alexithymia” mean something is wrong with me?

No. It’s a research term describing difficulties with identifying and describing emotions. It doesn’t measure your worth - and it can shift with practice and support.

​

Why doesn’t thinking it through fix it?

Because emotional responses aren’t purely cognitive. Naming feelings can be a separate regulation step (affect labeling).

​

Can online counseling help if I’m not good at talking about feelings?

Often yes. Online can feel safer and more structured - especially when we work with small, practical steps.

​

How long does it take?

It varies. Some people want short-term tools; others work more deeply on patterns in stress and relationships.​