When everything hits at once

 

A breakup can feel like multiple emotions running in parallel: relief and grief, clarity and doubt, anger and emptiness. Sometimes the decision has been coming for a long time—and it still hurts when it finally happens.

In breakup counseling, you get space to sort what’s happening right now—without judgement and without the expectation that you should “already be over it.” We focus on what stabilizes you and what realistic next steps look like.

 

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Who this is for

 

Breakup counseling can be a good fit if you…

• have ended a relationship or are close to doing so

• feel stuck between letting go and holding on

• want to understand what happened—and what you need now

• feel flooded by emotions or self-doubt

• overthink constantly and can’t switch off

• want to rebuild structure and steadiness in everyday life

• still have contact with your ex (shared home, finances, children, work, mutual friends)

• need to clarify a separation in a relationship constellation—also when multiple people are involved

 

Sessions as two people can be possible (e.g., for respectful agreements). What matters is that the goal is clear and the setting stays safe and fair for everyone.

 

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How I can support you

 

1) Make sense of it and find the next step

We start with what feels most urgent. Often it’s already relieving to tell the story of the relationship and the breakup once—calmly, with room for facts, feelings, and what hasn’t had space so far.

Together we can clarify:

• What was the core conflict—and what was “only” the trigger?

• Which needs were missed, ignored, or repeatedly hurt?

• What do you need—very concretely—to get through the next weeks?

 

2) Boundaries & communication when contact continues

Sometimes the relationship ends, but contact remains. That can be exhausting—especially when old patterns reactivate quickly.

Counseling can help you:

• set boundaries that actually fit you (not too harsh, not too soft)

• prepare conversations (What matters? What can I leave?)

• build workable agreements that reduce daily stress—especially in co-parenting

 

3) Calming rumination (without “pull yourself together”)

Rumination often has a logic: your mind is trying to regain control or find answers. The problem is—rumination rarely produces peace.

We can test what helps you, for example:

• short practices to downshift your nervous system when you feel yourself tipping

• concrete “stops” for thought loops (without self-violence)

• small routines that rebuild stability: sleep, meals, movement, supportive contact

 

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A brief perspective: why it can feel like two directions at once

 

After a breakup, many people move in two directions:

• one part wants to understand, remember, mourn

• another part must keep daily life running—work, bills, appointments, children, friends

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That back-and-forth isn’t necessarily regression. Often it’s your system trying to dose overwhelm in a survivable way.

 

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Boundaries & when additional help is important

 

Breakup counseling is not medical care and does not replace psychotherapy. It can be supportive as long as you’re basically able to function and we can work well in conversation.

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Please seek additional help urgently if…

• you have acute suicidal thoughts or don’t feel safe

• there is violence, threats, coercion, or severe pressure

• strong trauma reactions are dominating

• you can barely sleep, eat, or work over an extended period

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If you’re unsure, we address it respectfully. When in doubt, medical evaluation or therapeutic/psychiatric support is the safer next step.

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What working with me looks like

 

Free initial consultation (20 minutes): Briefly clarify your concerns and whether my approach is a good fit
Sessions: primarily online; in-person sessions in Berlin are possible by arrangement
Duration: 50 minutes
Frequency: weekly or biweekly, depending on your needs
Confidentiality & data protection: fully confidential, in line with professional standards and GDPR-compliant practices

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References​

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Aldao, A., Nolen-Hoeksema, S., & Schweizer, S. (2010). Emotion-regulation strategies across psychopathology: A meta-analytic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(2), 217–237. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2009.11.004

Fernandes, J. G., Santos, C., & Martins, M. V. (2025). Psychosocial effects of romantic breakups during emerging adulthood: A systematic review. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 32(5), e70139. https://doi.org/10.1002/cpp.70139

Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. Guilford Press.

Sbarra, D. A., Law, R. W., & Portley, R. M. (2011). Divorce and death: A meta-analysis and research agenda for clinical, social, and health psychology. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 6(5), 454–474. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691611414724

Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: Rationale and description. Death Studies, 23(3), 197–224. https://doi.org/10.1080/074811899201046

Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (2010). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: A decade on. Omega (Westport), 61(4), 273–289. https://doi.org/10.2190/OM.61.4.b 

Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Boerner, K. (2017). Cautioning health-care professionals: Bereaved persons are misguided through the stages of grief. Omega (Westport), 74(4), 455–473. https://doi.org/10.1177/0030222817691870

Yalom, I. D. (1980). Existential psychotherapy. Basic Books.

Yáñez-Peñúñuri, L. Y. Y., Rey-Anacona, C. A., & Bolívar-Suárez, Y. (2024). Therapeutic treatments to cope with a love breakup: A systematic review. Psychologia. Avances de la Disciplina, 18(1), 23–37. https://doi.org/10.21500/19002386.6577

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FAQ​

 

How long does it take to feel better after a breakup?

It varies a lot. Some people stabilise within a few weeks, others need longer—depending on the relationship history, how much contact remains, and what else is happening in life. In counselling, the goal isn’t “get over it fast,” but real relief, clarity, and steps that match your pace.

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What if we still have contact or live together?

Then breakup counseling can be especially helpful. We can create practical agreements, plan how to talk (or limit talking), and clarify what you need to protect yourself emotionally. The goal isn’t perfect harmony—it’s less escalation and more steadiness.

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Is breakup counseling the same as psychotherapy?

No. Breakup counselling is focused support around separation, grief, reorientation, and daily functioning—without diagnosis. If a treatable mental health condition or acute crisis is central, psychotherapy or medical care is usually more appropriate.​

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Can we come as a couple (two people)?

Yes, that can be possible—especially for respectful closure, agreements, or co-parenting topics. What matters is that the goal is clear and the frame stays workable for both people (and any additional involved parties). We clarify this best in the free initial call.​